Imagine a daily practice so simple and so powerful, that should you put it into play, it would undoubtedly change your life for the better.
If I was somehow charged with convincing you to adopt just one new outlook in life, something truly valuable that I think would make the most difference for you – and which has made all the difference for me, it would be this:
Gratitude.
Why gratitude? There are so many reasons it’s hard to know where to start. It’s personally pulled me out of too many holes to mention, opened my eyes to life’s infinitesimal gifts and given me an awareness of human goodness that can be easy to overlook.
Call it an emotion, a mood, quality or a habit – gratitude is one small-sounding attribute with a whole world of benefits.
- Gratitude is an antidote against forgetting.
We are all susceptible to taking our lives and the people in them for granted.
Sound familiar? You spend months or even years lusting after someone or something. After the initial excitement of your new romance or career your feelings start to dissipate. The attraction is still there, but it’s become part of the wallpaper of your life and is no longer something you take such careful notice of.
The truth is, it’s human nature to forget the good feelings, and the bad feelings too. Adapting to events and circumstances in our lives over time, we default to our usual level of happiness. (Psychologists even have a term for this – hedonic adaptation.)
Habituated to the blessings in your life, you fail to see just how much is available to you. If you’re not careful this can develop into complacency, one of the greatest destroyers of happiness. Perhaps you learn the hard way when a partner walks out, that some blessings are not known till they are lost. And you vow to never again ignore what is precious…until you do.
Gratitude is a way to counter the slow slide into forgetting. When we consciously notice what is good – we bring it to mind, and we keep the memory alive. Gratitude is the way the heart remembers all the joys and kindnesses received.
2. Gratitude works for the bad stuff too.
Although it might feel counterintuitive, bringing to mind a negative event can often help you to feel better about life.
Our minds tend to think in terms of counterfactuals – comparing reality to what might have been. Focusing on past regrets or what was lost can keep us stuck, but it can also deepen our sense of being grateful. In remembering a trauma or deep sadness, you are reminded that here you are, you got through it – you overcame your illness, the nasty break up or a sudden retrenchment. You’re alive and you’ve made your way out of the dark.
In recognising that you made it through adversity you are reminded how much worse things could have been. The flight was delayed and you missed the meeting, but everyone arrived in one piece. This acknowledgement can help to bring a deep sense of appreciation – one that stops you being weighed down by present difficulties. A grateful outlook can be one of the tools to help us turn adversity into prosperity, or at the very least an opportunity for growth.
3. Gratitude makes the good things better
It makes sense, to focus on what is good in your life. By giving attention to those things, you magnify and expand the pleasure and significance they have for you. Put simply, the more you appreciate the finer details of your life, the better life feels.
This goes from the material to the mundane. Staring out the window onto your beautiful garden as you clean the plates after a meal shared with friends or family is a moment that has so much to be thankful for. That you have your health, that you love and are loved, that you have the great fortune to be surrounded by nature. So many are not.
Once you start, the list is endless. The beautiful thing is the more you notice the more you find to be grateful about. In recognizing a source of goodness in our life we shore up against feelings of lack, and affirm love is all around us. Relish and savour moments small and big. The process of being grateful has its own pleasure. Gratitude is a way to relive the good that already is.
And in seeing the good all around you, it will continue to blossom and bear fruit in your life.
4. Gratitude affirms that you are (and have!) enough
How about this novel idea? When you are grateful what you are actually doing is wanting what you have.
In a world of round-the-clock advertising that is selling us the idea that you are incomplete, lacking, that you need ever more stuff or successes to be happy, how would it be if you actually felt content?
By regularly feeling gratitude for what you already have, you gain the true value from people and things. That old bomb of a car becomes the trusty steed that gets you home each day, the reminder of many adventures and holidays.
More importantly, fill the void with substance not stuff. Instead of unhelpful comparisons with those who are better off – your boss, neighbour or older sister – choose to celebrate the little things. Like Friday night pizzas or kicking the ball in the park. Stop paying attention to TV shows and magazines designed to undermine your confidence and practice counting your real life blessings. Your partner may not be George Clooney but he’s there for you when you get a flat tyre or need a neck rub.
It’s not easy to regularly feel thankful for your life – especially when times are tough. But by practicing finding things and relationships to be grateful for, you actually train yourself to see them more clearly. And in time this can help you to give more, and want for less.
5. Gratitude attunes us to the little things that are a big part being happy
Gifts and material objects are the first thing people think of when being thankful is mentioned. Gifts and presents are wonderful. When presented to us by others we should definitely be grateful.
But gratitude is far more than this. Gratitude is an approach to life that can be freely chosen. It’s the ability to savour little pleasures that surround us each day, the small actions that can leave a lasting change to how we see the world. The waiter at your local cafe that swirls a smiley face in the froth on your cappuccino when you’ve had a tough day, may not appear to be doing much, but it can feel like riches when you are suddenly tuned in to noticing those things all day long.
Given that we do adapt to changes good and bad in our life, its the small daily opportunities for joy regularly practiced, not the house, holiday or wedding, that add up to a greater shift in our outlook. By focusing on and seeking out these things, and taking the time to feel appreciation for them we enrich the quality of our lives and of those around us.
6. Gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving
It cannot be a coincidence that the state of being grateful itself offers so much to be grateful for. As you feel grateful for the beautiful Autumn sunshine your body is flooded with feelings of peace, contentment and warmth. Being thankful makes us feel great, good and giving.
Being thankful on a regular basis can bring a host of benefits way beyond those above, including stronger relationships, better health and greater happiness. Looking for the good in life, helps you to recognise its many gifts, creating a sense of abundance and optimism that in turn brings with it greater contentment.
If you need proof there is a wealth of studies out there extolling hundreds of benefits. The extensive research carried out by Robert Emmons has shown practicing gratitude can even increase your happiness “set point” – your default happiness level previously thought to be unmoveable – by up to 25%.
Perhaps most importantly though, gratitude allows you to see yourself as connected to a web of help and support. In being grateful you are brought to recognise the giver, and in turn your reliance on others. No achievement in your life can or is ever made on your own. When you recognise that we are each bound within circles of giving and goodwill rather than feelings of indifference, resentment or dependence you can cultivate a heartfelt sense of gratitude for the presence of others in your life. Your love will certainly grow and your loved ones will thank you for it!
7. How to develop gratitude
To make gratitude part of your way of looking at life you need to practice. And keep practicing. The best and simplest way to do this is by keeping a gratitude journal. It’s a life changing habit that’s been successfully adopted by everyone from cancer patients to CEO’s.
The way it works is by writing down three things each morning or evening that you are grateful for. Be specific – the more detail and colour the better. Instead of being grateful for your son or daughter write about the way you feel when they telephone out of the blue to share something important with you. You can be grateful for things that didn’t happen – the fact that dinner didn’t burn when you left it in the oven too long. You can be grateful for your health, or for your lungs that breath everyday for you. For your sense of smell, or the scent of your freshly bathed baby. Be creative. Enjoy the sense of wonderment that comes with realising how rich your life really is.
And keep it up. Gratitude is not our default setting. Unless you consciously practice and sustain a grateful worldview, you’ll likely fall back into negative patterns that beset us all, taking the goodness in your life for granted. Three to six weeks will show the benefits, three to six months will begin to make it part of who you are. This will have lasting effects for you and the lives of those around you.
And when you are ready to share, I’d love to hear about the things you feel thankful for, and how you are making gratitude an essential part of your life.
Thanks for reading!